you had to go and turn it into a thing

If I took my shirt off, you’d take a look at my farmer’s tan and say “Man, you look like you haven’t taken your shirt off in five years!”  And then I would respond by hanging my head and sobbing quietly to myself about how it’s actually been six years.

Not that I have a burning desire to strip naked (while sober), but I do actively avoid situations where I have to be shirtless.  I avoid the beach, the pool, shirts vs. skins basketball, shirts vs. skins Connect Four.  Even if I were to need open heart surgery at this point, I would probably be like “Hey, Doc, mind if I keep my hoodie on for this?”

I want to get back to the point where I look presentable without a shirt on.  I live in sunny Los Angeles, and my delicate northern skin needs to get used to the UV rays sooner or later.  I’d prefer sooner.

PS: I’m all modest right now, but if I get as ripped as Ryan Reynolds I’m never wearing a shirt again.  Not even to church.